I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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