you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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