I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
