I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We had sex on a dog bed..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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