oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
