Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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