He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
