i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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