saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
