these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
