He is an equal opportunity slut.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
