I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
