Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
