Just cropdusted the office
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
