I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize