Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
