What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
