If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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