He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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