we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
