To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
