Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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