his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
