mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize