Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
NoShamevember. You game?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
