Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
