he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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