I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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