the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
