i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
