and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
