Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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