SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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