Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
