It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
