there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
