I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
