why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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