I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
