What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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