my soul wont recognize me after tonight
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I had to cum in my sink.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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