well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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