my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
