omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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