I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
