I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
