i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
