My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
