whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
