Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize