I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
