she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
