kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
