YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
