and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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