All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
