he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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