and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
