Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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