ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
