I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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