At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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