I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
