i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
