Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
