So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
