Im at strip club and am horny
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
