Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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