my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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