Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
