How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're making bets on your personal life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
