dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
