were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
