Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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