I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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