I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
