So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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