thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
